Serving Size Seven

Yesterday, we drove to Orlando to pick up Ted's transcripts from UCF. He is going to pursue some academic advancement, in what area I am not certain and neither is he. However, he needed his transcript and a co-ed told him it would take two weeks by mail or he could pick them up in two days. So we never need a major excuse to drive to my favorite place-O-town, picked up the kids early from school and off we went! While there, we decide to eat dinner at one of our favorite spots, Boston's Fish House. Fried fish, clams, oysters, shrimp, hell they could fry my napkin and I would eat and love it! Not only am I attracted to the most delicious fried Haddock, I love the casual atmosphere. With five children younger than 8, two of them twin two-year-olds-from-hell, we really appreciate (well, we only frequent outside seating eateries now anyway) the outside dining. So, we ate and loved it, the kids devoured the shrimp basket and ate a mound of fish and fries and rice-carb loaders (they are all great eaters.....which is where this post is heading....the cost to feed seven good eaters!!!). On the two-hour drive home, the kids were finally settled and sort of quiet and Ted asked me how much I though dinner cost. I replied, "I bet it was nearly $48.00".....and he laughed, loudly I might add. Of course I then ask, "well how much then", and the pricing game ensued, and I wasn't really in the mood for games, just get to the point. So he then informs me that our dinner at Boston's, where we sat outside, ate from plastic, red baskets lined with checkerboard paper and filled with fried food including french fries, some seasoned rice, clams, oysters, shrimp, two dinner plates of haddock and SEVEN drinks, was .......are you ready.....$98.00.....WTF!!!! It was eye-opening, jaw-dropping, and for our meager living even while employed (at which time we are NOT employed nor bringing in any money other than unemployment), was waaaay more than I thought and just a hint of what life will be like to take our family of seven out to eat dinner at a middle of the road establishment. After I checked the receipt, while driving 70 mph, in the dark, on the Turnpike, I then started doing the math in my head at how much just a visit to McDonald's cost us- for seven "real" meals when the kids are a bit older, at rougly $5.50 a pop, a quick drive-thru at the Golden Arches is going to be about $40, and that is just for lunch!

So, the moral of this story is that if you like the idea of a big family, one with more than three kiddos, do the math. It is expensive! They don't all eat four goldfish and a half sippy of milk for long.

Throw me a bone already!!!

Today I am a bundle of undesirable emotions: nervous, anxious, angry, worried...and a little lovey (this weather, the cool air and warm sunshine do it to me every time). Mostly, the unwanted emotions stem from my immediate family's current situations: jobless, bills to pay without money coming in, marital repair, mothering that is a constant "job", and just taking care of my house. I am finding myself going down this path of "why me" and doing some comparative justification, you know, that "so and so does this or doesn't do this" kind of garbage. I am just in a negative mood. I don't like it, and I am the only one who can change that, so why and the heck do I keep typing....just to vent and journal, there is some healing about putting one's thoughts and feelings down on paper (or a screen) for myself and anyone else to read, that brings a first awareness and step to a better attitude. So start cheering up woman~!

My life has not been easy this past year, but you know what, whose has...not to call out any of my beloved friends, but there was a lot of hand-holding and wet shoulders from my circle. Lots of support given and taken, lots of services provided in love and compassion, and a lot of generalized anxiety disorder going around combined with some depression and overwhelm...so I guess it is now my turn. I am truly glad my peeps have overcome their life slumps, I also feel good that I helped them through some of their crap (literally and figuratively). It is just time for a little "break" for me, something in my control and something just plain old GOOD to happen here at the Walker house. Hold each other tight this weekend!

Studying

After some unfortunate events last year and some semi-dissatisfaction with my current "job" as a stay-at-home mom, I am going back to work! I have some classes to take and some internship and supervision to complete but I am giving myself two years to get back on the wagon of wage earning. You see, the truth is I am very unbalanced right now in my life. Most of my time is spent mothering, the rest cleaning, then some shuttling, and a bunch of other "selfish and insignificant" stuff. I have wanted to get back to the helping profession for a couple of years, but the logistics and the cost of childcare curbed that. I really have given of my life to this family for the past 10 years. While it is rewarding in and of itself and I am so thankful and grateful that I got to do it "my way", I have felt a void and have wanted to do more, for me and for others who could benefit from my genuine compassion. I am excited (and a little nervous as I have never had to juggle being a "working mother".). So, I am studying now to become refreshed with some counseling theory, techniques, human growth and development, research...lots of counseling stuff. It is really a lot of fun to hit the books again. I'd love to go back to school even, that process of learning and the excitement and energy of being around the eager learners charged with idealism and raw passion....it is a feeling that I would like experience again. I was never strong academically, just barely got by in middle and high schools. Undergrad was also a bit of a struggle, I played a little too much in the beginning, was a varsity rower so that took some time and energy away from the books, and I didn't always like the courses I "had" to take, but as I entered grad school, it really got fun. Again, I never excelled like some of the other brains in my program, but I loved the process and embraced every step. I would be a phenomenal student now! Funny how life can be sometimes, it seems to get more meaningful for me as I get older and more experienced. I think I will make a great helping professional, when I get back in the game!

Nicolas with afro

I love this picture....we hit the post-Halloween sale at Walmart and picked up some less than wanted wigs, the afro apparently was not a big hit this year, we bought several. So as we were driving home, Nicolas put on his wig, I nearly peed my pants when I saw him in my rearview mirror. He is so funny! I love him so much

A new year, hopefully a better one!!

So here we all are, staring into the new year. It is no secret that 2008 has been a difficult year for me. I am really going to focus this year on me. I have some personal and professional goals and I am going to do my best to achieve them. The end of this past year, 11/05 to be exact, left me with some emotional trauma and life-as-I-know-it altering information. So, the only thing I can do is be the best me possible and be prepared for anything!! I have been pretty comfy in my role as mommy and wifey the past 10 years, not really realizing how dependent I am on others, Ted really. I am going to change all of that and make sure I can stand on my own two feet, with 10 other little feet next to me!! Wow, sounds daunting, but I need to make it happen. Wish me luck! Happy New Me!